"It's on my list" is what we love to say when there is a book that we have been told is amazing and we want to get to reading eventually. This was one of those books for me, and let me tell you... I am SO happy it went from "the list" to one of my all time favorite books! SPOILER ALERT! I talk about the book in pretty big detail below so go forward at your own risk! Also, I don't write this review in any particular order. Just flowing as the thoughts and insights come. Enjoy! 

I find it so funny that life happens in perfect order at times. As though the right people, things, concepts, all come together just right when you need them. This is what happened with this book. I had been fighting MAJOR anxiety from major life changes. All beautiful and amazing life changes, but I just couldn't seem to allow myself to enjoy them. It was almost like the better life got, the more I had to worry about. The more beautiful my life experiences became, the more I felt scared they would go away. I just couldn't get myself to a place of calm so that I could relax into the beauty of what life was becoming for me. I swore I might just be depressed... but after reading this book, it became apparent that the mountain was DEFINITELY and will ALWAYS be ME! 

Self-Sabotage

I didn't realize that the act of me not enjoying all of the good in my life and quite literally creating problems where there weren't any, was the act of self-sabotage. When the book started with this, I didn't resonate at first, but as I continued to read, it literally felt like Brianna (the author) was talking directly to me. The self-sabotaging thoughts/behaviors I found myself stuck in (and let's keep it real STILL DO! Life is a work in progress, OK?) are projecting my fears onto the future then pushing people closest to me away and becoming so paralyzed with fear, I end up doing nothing with myself or my time. To be honest, these were starting to RUIN my life and I could see it happening slowly, but just didn't know how to stop. This book gave me the key. 

I think that one of the most beautiful realizations that really anyone can have is that all of our bodies and brains pretty much work in the same way. If you think you are the only person in the world that thinks or acts a certain way because of your life circumstance, chances are you are NOT and actually, most if not all would act, think, and feel the same way as you. The BIGGEST and only difference between each other is how we RESPOND to these thoughts, feelings, and actions. 

We may all feel a little anxious if a significant other takes a long time to respond to a text, but some of us may cry, others may lash out in anger, or take deep breaths, allow for the feeling to pass and understand that the feeling is nothing more than a feeling and there doesn't NEED to be a response or reaction. 

That last one as I am sure you can guess is how the author explains and teaches we all respond to our emotions IF and only IF we want to live a more peaceful and joyous life. 

Ummm, I know I do! So, how we do that exactly?

How Our Brains Work and Why it Matters

"We are not designed to be happy, we are designed to be comfortable."

Ooof, this one got me y'all. 

Our minds and bodies are created to be COMFORTABLE. Comfortable meaning that whatever you have been doing for X amount of time as a habit and routine is your comfort zone. Even if that habit or routine is not good for you. If smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, sitting all day, feeling anxious etc are comfortable to you, you will keep doing them until you make the very conscious decision to change it and work every single day to do so. 

This was such an important revelation to me because I kind of realized that being worried was something I had adopted as comfortable. It has been comfortable for me to think about the worst possible scenario and be scared AF that it will come true (ironically when you do this, they usually do come true as a self-fulfilling prophecy ha!). But, this very thing was also robbing me of my peace and joy. I wasn't able to just sit and enjoy my success, my relationship, and all of the amazing things that life had given me and that I had worked hard for. I would keep thinking about what would happen if it was all gone, if I was living a lie, all of the what ifs would sneak in and I would feel anxious, scared, and unable to simply... live. Shout out to my boo thang for being with me every step of this journey because I KNOW witnessing me in this was not easy for him either.. love you papi! 

I digress. 

Because worry was my go to, and as we now we know we are designed for COMFORT not happiness, I have to do the beautiful work of making living in the present moment my new comfortable. To learn to take life as it comes without thinking of the what ifs. Easier said than done, but once it is done... it is so so so yummy!

Intrusive versus Intuitive 

Worrying and projecting is like living in a fantasy land... well more like living in a nightmare. Nightmares are not real. They are in your head and you have them when you are sleeping. Worries and projections are the same thing. They are in your head. They are not real. They tell you something bad IS GOING TO happen and convince you it will through feelings (which are very real), but if you don't do the work to figure out what thoughts are worries or intrusive thoughts and which are real in the moment or intuitive thoughts, you will be destined to live in a nightmare forever. 

Intrusive

Now, I am paraphrasing here because I am writing this blog post from the heart and in my own words, but holy moly Brianna Wiest did the most AMAZING job at describing the difference between intuitive and intrusive thinking. I am OBSESSED with her definitions as they have helped me immensely and I hope they do for you too! 

OK, Intrusive thinking... Intrusive thinking are thoughts that tell you about a scenario that MAY happen in the future based on limited knowledge you have now in the present. Intrusive thoughts are meant to give you the illusion of protection because they feel like real warnings and of course you don’t want anything bad to happen so, what do we do? We listen! Like the dummies that we are… 

Listen, I don’t care what anyone thinks or says NO ONE and I mean NO ONE is able to accurately predict the future. I mean if this was an actual thing, you think the world would be as fucked up as it is now?! The hope would be no because we would have the insight to change the course before they become a reality. So, even though we think we are being smart with our intrusive thinking, we are actually not. We are listening to thoughts that are just that… thoughts. Thoughts that elicit feelings and the feelings make the thoughts feel real when in reality they are not. It is all an illusion and we have all fallen for it… ugh!

Intrusive thoughts are NOT rooted in reality. They are rooted in fear, panic, and anxiety. 

Intuitive

Intuitive on the other hand is all about the here and now. Intuition is what our bodies feel or think about an actual situation that is happening in front of you. The thoughts are helpful, insightful, calm, and rooted in understanding. 

For example, if you are walking and are about to cross the street, but see a car coming fast your way, you may have a thought that says, “I should wait for that car to pass before I go so that I don’t get hit.” Beautiful! Intuitive, helpful, calm. But, if you’re watching TV and start to think that a car will hit you if you decide to go for a walk, that is intrusive. Has nothing to do with you enjoying your television time. 

As Brianna Wiest describes it, intuitive is always calm, understanding, and quiet even if what it is telling you is something sad or disappointing. 

Game Changer For Me

Learning the differences between the 2 were absolute game changers for me. I have been listening to my intrusive thoughts like my mother listened to the bible when I was growing up… just believing it all without question! No wonder I was always miserable. I couldn’t just be in the moment as life would come. I was always thinking of the next minute or day, or hour. I just wasn’t here NOW. And I kept robbing myself of the most beautiful life experiences. 

I am ETERNALLY grateful for this lesson. 

I decided to personify my intrusive thoughts as my inner child. This helps me have compassion for her and let her know she is safe whenever she is throwing a tantrum and not letting me be in the moment. 

I Have Been Meditating All Wrong

Lastly, the most GORGEOUS gift that this book has given me has been learning how to truly meditate. Like ACTUALLY truly meditate. Like, KNOW exactly what meditation is and how to do it, cuz ya girl has been doing it ALL wrong! Gah!

I noticed that meditation for me was always just breathing and trying to calm my body, but my mind was still running wild. I actually finally understood why they call it MINDFULNESS too! Because mindlessness is when you just allow your mind to run wild like a toddler who is trying to destroy everything in sight. When we are mindless, we are not in control. We are letting things happen. We are being passive, but at the same time believing everything we hear and getting attached to every single thought our mind has. 

What I learned is that meditation is the act of allowing yourself to feel and to simply watch the thoughts come and go in your mind, but not attaching yourself to them. To just let them be but not engage with them. 

When you get to that place inside of you of inner peace, no thoughts, no feelings, just YOU… that is how you can develop self-mastery. 

Ooof. I don’t know about you… but I am so ready to be the master of myself.