I have been interviewed by a few podcasts that all ask me the same question- "What does it mean to be a sexually empowered person?" Honestly, I get it... sexual empowerment can feel like such an elusive concept.

Sexual empowerment isn’t some mystical force that only a select few get to experience. It’s something that is accessible to anyone willing to embrace two key elements: knowledge and courage. That’s it. Those two things are the foundation of your ability to fully step into your sexual self, release shame, and claim the kind of intimacy, connection, and pleasure you truly deserve.

Knowledge is about understanding—your body, your desires, your partner’s needs, and even the deeper emotional and psychological aspects of sex. And courage? That’s about acting on that knowledge—communicating your boundaries, exploring what truly turns you on, and standing in your power as a sexually alive and free person.

Many either lack the knowledge and courage for sexual pleasure, all of the knowledge with none of the courage, or worse... all of the courage with none of the knowledge. Then, my friend, you have some awkward ass situations that could have been easily prevented.

I know firsthand how transformative this journey can be. I was raised in a strict Catholic household where sex was something you just didn’t talk about, let alone explore with any sense of curiosity or excitement. I never even had the chance to obtain knowledge because there was no where for me to find it. Shame was woven into every aspect of sexuality, and I spent years untangling myself from that conditioning. But once I did? It was like waking up to a whole new world—a world where I was no longer bound by fear, but led by my own wisdom and desire for deep pleasure and connection.

So let’s dive in. Let’s break down what it truly means to be sexually empowered and how you can start owning your erotic energy today.

The Power of Knowledge: Understanding Your Sexuality

If you want to feel confident in your sex life, you have to understand it. There’s no way around it. Too many people move through life disconnected from their own bodies, their own desires, and their own needs because they were never taught to explore, ask questions, or learn about sexual health and pleasure. You probably know the feeling... you're in bed with your lover and things are moving and grooving, but you're not sure if you like it? Maybe you do, but can it get better? You're not sure. They seem to enjoy it, so why say anything and ruin your fun? Crap! Now, you're in your head and can't enjoy anything. OK, back to pretending whatever is happening is driving you WILD!

Think about it—when was the first time you actually learned about sex? Not the awkward high school health class version, but real, meaningful knowledge about pleasure, intimacy, and emotional connection? For most people, that moment never happened. And if it did, it probably came much later in life, long after patterns of shame and fear had already been ingrained.

Sexual empowerment starts with sex education. You need to know how your body works, how pleasure functions, and what turns you on. You need to explore your own fantasies and desires without judgment. And if you’re in relationships, understanding your partner’s needs and boundaries is just as important. Knowledge gives you the tools to experience the best sex of your life.

The Courage to Act: Expressing Your Desires and Boundaries

Knowing what you want is one thing. Asking for it? That’s where so many people freeze. Why? Because we’ve been conditioned to believe that advocating for our pleasure makes us selfish, inappropriate, or—even worse—unworthy.

I’ve worked with clients who know exactly what they want in bed but can’t bring themselves to say it out loud. They fear rejection, judgment, or making their partner uncomfortable. But here’s the truth: you deserve to have your needs met just as much as anyone else. And expressing them is not only okay—it’s essential.

This is where courage comes in. It takes bravery to communicate your desires clearly and unapologetically. It takes strength to set boundaries and say no to what doesn’t feel good. And it requires deep self-trust to walk away from dynamics that don’t honor your sexual and emotional needs.

So if you struggle with this, start small. Practice saying your desires out loud to yourself. Write them down. Have a conversation with a trusted friend about what you want. The more you build this muscle, the easier it becomes to express yourself in a way that feels natural and aligned.

Here's a little practice guide to support you-

Desire:

For your partner to be more assertive in the bedroom. For them to take control of you and do what they please. For you to be completely submissive to them, shut your brain off, and follow the leader.

How to ask for it:

"Hey honey, how do you feel about power play? Do you enjoy being dominant sexually? I was wondering if you were open to engaging in some power dynamics in the bedroom? I love the feeling of completely being taken control of and you doing whatever you want with me, with my consent of course! Let's talk about what would work for both of us, a safe word that feels aligned, and a solid aftercare plan."

Desire:

For your partner to perform oral sex on you more.

How to ask for it:

"My love, I would love it if you went down on me more often. Is there anything we can do to make this experience more comfortable/enjoyable for you?" ie. flavored lubricant, a positioning pillow for sex to bring the pelvis up, taking a shower beforehand etc.

Desire:

For a deeper emotional connection

How to ask for it:

"Hey sweetheart, I want you to know that you can come to me with anything. I want you to be able to rely on me for anything you need. I am here for you and I love you."

Breaking Free from Shame: Rewriting the Stories You’ve Been Told

Shame is one of the biggest barriers to sexual empowerment. It’s sneaky. It shows up in those little voices that say, You’re too much. You’re not enough. You shouldn’t want that. That’s wrong.

I get it. I grew up thinking that my sexuality was something to hide, something dangerous. But here’s what I’ve learned: shame is just a story. It’s not a fact. And stories can be rewritten. Plus, the stories you're hearing in your head about sex are most likely not even your voice! They are the focus of someone else's feelings on sex that were imposed on you!

If you’ve internalized shame around your sexuality, start by asking yourself: Where did these beliefs come from? Whose voice am I actually hearing when I feel guilty about my desires? Once you start peeling back those layers, you begin to see that shame isn’t yours to carry. You get to release it. You get to reclaim your sexual self on your own terms.

How to Rewrite the Shame Story

Story:

Sex is a sin

Reframe:

"Sex is a sacred and natural expression of intimacy and connection. It’s a beautiful part of being human."

Story:

My body is unattractive

Reframe:

"My body is worthy of love and celebration in all its forms. I honor its beauty and uniqueness."

Story:

Good people don't have wild sex

Reframe: 

"Sexual exploration is a healthy part of life, and embracing my desires allows me to experience greater freedom and authenticity."

Reconnecting with Your Body and Erotic Energy

A huge part of sexual empowerment is reconnecting with your body. Your body is the gateway to pleasure, to intimacy, to feeling truly alive. But if you’ve spent years feeling disconnected from it—whether due to shame, trauma, or societal conditioning—it can feel like an unfamiliar place.

That’s why body-based practices are so powerful. Naked mirror gazing, self-pleasure rituals, sensual movement—these are ways to bring your presence back into your own body and cultivate a deeper relationship with yourself. The more in tune you are with your physical sensations, the more attuned you’ll be to what brings you pleasure.

Embracing Your Desires Without Guilt

Desires are personal. They’re unique. And they’re valid—no matter how different they may be from what you were taught was “acceptable.”

One of the most liberating things you can do for yourself is to fully own what turns you on without judgment. Your fantasies, your turn-ons, your cravings—they are a part of you. They are nothing to be ashamed of. When you embrace them, you step into a level of sexual confidence that is magnetic, powerful, and deeply fulfilling.

The Role of a Sex Coach in Your Journey

If you’re struggling to navigate this journey alone, working with a sex coach or relationship coach can be a game-changer. A good coach provides support, guidance, and space for healing so you can explore your sexuality with confidence and freedom.

I’ve seen firsthand how transformative coaching can be. I’ve had clients who started out feeling completely disconnected from their sexual selves, weighed down by shame and fear. And after just three months of deep work? They’re experiencing sexual pleasure in ways they never imagined, setting boundaries like pros, and finally feeling worthy of the love and intimacy they’ve always craved.

The Power of Community and Collective Healing

Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. We heal in community. That’s why finding spaces where you can talk openly about sex, relationships, and pleasure is so important. Whether it’s through workshops, group coaching, or simply surrounding yourself with sex-positive people, being in an environment that normalizes these conversations makes a huge difference.

I, myself, offer loads of one on one coaching options as well as group coaching opportunities to further your healing and learning. Check out my website to learn more! www.jocelynsilva.com

The more you see others embracing their sexuality with confidence, the more permission you give yourself to do the same.

You Deserve a Life of Pleasure and Freedom

At the end of the day, sexual empowerment isn’t just about sex. It’s about how you show up in life. It’s about feeling confident, connected, and fully alive in everything you do. When you own your sexuality, you own your power. And when you own your power, there is nothing you can’t create for yourself.

So take the first step. Learn. Explore. Speak your desires into existence. And most importantly—never let shame tell you that you don’t deserve pleasure. Because you do. You always have. And you always will.