No matter who you are or what your life looks like, the bottom line is that life is hard. It’s hard because things happen that may not be what you desire, but also because we are all fighting the automatic thought processes that happen in our brains. This alone can cause anyone to go mad if they don’t take the time to get a hold of their thoughts and actively work towards changing them and becoming more stable. 

I love what I do because I understand all too well how challenging it can be when you are your own worst enemy. In a sexual empowerment journey specifically, you are going against so many challenges; what society tells us we should be as sexual beings, what our families raised us to believe, and who we are deep down inside that may differ from everyone else around us. Furthermore, nobody teaches us how to be great at intimacy. Not just sexual intimacy, but also the emotional, intellectual, and spiritual aspects of intimacy. Then, when you throw in things like attachment theory, one’s ability to tolerate distress, or one’s own self-worth and you are really fighting against a lot here. 

But at the end of the day, if you look deeply enough, you will notice that the only thing or person you are up against is yourself. 

At the end of day, no one can save you if you don’t save yourself. Not your partner, your therapist, your yoga instructor, your friends, your family… no one. 

You MUST save YOURSELF. 

You must choose to be happy. You must learn to enjoy life. You must learn how to do your best and forgive yourself when you fall short. And you must be OK with being alone. Because being alone means that you get to be with you and you will always be you, so love on you as much as you can. 

I know it’s hard. I know sometimes it downright feels impossible, but if you take life moment by moment, second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, life becomes much more simple. 

We complicate life with our triggers, worries, and fears. We complicate life with listening to our inner critic and believing everything it says. We complicate life when we bring ourselves down instead of lifting ourselves up. We complicate life when we start to believe that validation, love, and peace comes from outside of us, when it really comes from within. 

Life is simple. Life is here and now. Life is all about taking each moment as it comes. Life is about connecting with yourself so that you can connect with everything else around you. Life is trusting that you will be OK no matter what, as long as you are always doing your best. 

The beauty of self-compassion is that it’s free. It is something you can cultivate at any moment. It is something you can call upon yourself. Self-compassion is all about looking at yourself with love and letting yourself know that you will always have your own back no matter what. 

Another element of self-compassion as counter-intuitive as it may feel, is being there for yourself most of the time and having space and availability for others as well. Self-compassion allows you to have capacity for others. It allows you to establish boundaries, respect boundaries, and put your needs aside once in a while so that you can be there for the people you love around you. This can be a very challenging feat. 

I think many like to believe they are the center of the universe and that everything and everyone else around them is supposed to cater to their desires. When we get to this place, it is a clear signal that we have stopped being there for ourselves. This is the opportunity we all have to take a step back, regroup, and do things differently. Validate ourselves, love ourselves, be kind to ourselves, and ensure that we make everyone around us that love us feel loved and respected as well. 

How do we do this?

• Make a self-care ritual that caters around your emotional, mental, and physical well-being 
• Listen to the desires and boundaries of those around you and as hard as it may feel, learn to be present with them and give them what they need when they need it 
• Speak to yourself as if you were your own child. That tenderness you would give to a child outside of yourself 
• Figure most things out on your own through meditation, journaling, and critical thinking. Consult with someone you trust outside of you once you have gone through your own filter alone 
• Slow down by taking time to reflect before speaking or reacting. Make sure everything you say actually has backing. If you’re like me, you may get excited easily with ideas and solutions. But, being this way can lead to not following through on your goals. Beware of prematurely embarking on a journey that may lead nowhere. Following through on your ideas is part of what builds confidence in oneself. Also, remember that it is OK to change your mind sometimes. Allow for space for that as well. 
• Do better today than you did yesterday. Even if it is .01% better. Always strive to do just a little bit better

Life is already hard, but don’t make it any harder than it has to be. Be here now and take life one moment at a time.